Why is validation so important to us?

 

All of us, at some point, seek academic validation. We don’t realise it but it becomes the lines along which we begin to judge ourselves. Some of us have the pressure from our parents and those of us, fortunate enough, do not, but either way we cannot escape from the pressure that we are made to put on ourselves. It is understandable when other people have unrealistic expectations from you, but we know what we’re capable of and yet somehow we manage to expect much more from ourselves, owing to the years of unsolicited opinions. There are a sort of people who would rather watch you fail than be successful themselves, and these are the people who create the so called standards that we must fall into. But why do we let ourselves listen to them? Why do we dedicate even the slightest amount of time to work on what they said? Why do we allow ourselves to be affected by what they say and set out to alter our original goals? Why? Because we seek validation. Because we want to prove them wrong. All of this ultimately leads to us putting unnecessary pressure on ourselves, and not for the right reasons. The only good thing that might come out of it is that we challenge ourselves each time. But isn’t that something you should be doing for yourself? To improve yourself and not to prove yourself to someone else? Normally we wouldn’t focus so much on bettering ourselves unless somebody has judged us based off of it. So to what extent is it healthy to let these standards define us?

Education definitely is basic necessity and nobody should be denied of it. But we fail to realise that it isn’t what defines who we are. We fail to recognise the flaws in our system. Our education system wasn’t designed to suit our individual needs. Everyone has a different pace of learning, and a different way of understanding. The ones fast enough will go ahead to get the best scores. It doesn’t mean the rest of us are dumb. It just means we didn’t have enough time, or the proper guidance, or both. Isn’t it ironic how institutions tend to focus more on the good students who are capable enough to get through by themselves, and those who actually need help and guidance are ignored and insulted. They tell us that we’re not good enough and we let them!

Let me give you a personal example- I was never someone who had to constantly keep studying for hours or by heart an answer word to word. I was told from a young age that even if I get a good score, it doesn’t matter unless I  understand how it works. Even to this day, I find it very hard to mug something up. So naturally, for me it’s much easier to write an explanation in the answer and if the examiner is understanding enough, he will give me a good grade, but when it comes to multiple choice questions, my brain freezes. It might be the other way around for a few people.

So, For a system that doesn’t seem to care for us, and for a society that fails to understand us, why do we destroy ourselves to prove something that didn’t need any proving in the first place? Why is this validation so important for us? I do not have an answer to that.  Because I myself seek academic validation and to a major extent from myself than from others. I, like many others out there, criticise myself for not meeting the unrealistic expectations that I was made to set for myself. And all of this for what? For the so called societal norms that don’t even recognise you as an individual.  Isn’t it time to change how we let our grades define us? Or even change the basis on which we are graded? I do not know how we can bring about his change and save the next generations from all the unnecessary stress but I do know we have to do it somehow and we have to do it fast!